One of the great drawbacks of this time of year is the danger of meeting new people.

Nobody really needs to know more than about four or five people,yet life keeps thrusting strangers into one's face, and one must be wary about staying long enough to get to the hand-shaking and name-spouting stage. Why on earth people should want to know other people is beyond me. It is getting to know people that causes trouble.

First you are introduced; then you start talking; then you start arguing; then you start fighting; then you fall out. So why bother to fall in in the first place?

Another aspect of this problem is names.

People all seem to have different names, and I can never remember what they are. It is not too bad in Australia, of course,where everyone is called either Sheila or Bruce, but that's no help if you happen to live in Darlo, for example, where people tend to be called Charlene and Marlene and Merylene and Terylene and things like that.

People come up and say "You must meet Freddie'', and my first reaction is "I must get the hell out of here before I meet Freddie''.

The worst part of this is that I probably know Freddie and have been calling him Sid for years. Why he should suddenly change his name is another one of the reasons I don't want to meet him.

People with my sensible attitude are generally branded as anti-social, but what is anti-social about not wanting to meet people? To my mind, cannibals have always had the right approach. They meet people, and then eat them. That shuts them up.

However, I am fortunate in that none of this socialising nonsense bothers me. Not only can I not remember names, but I can't remember faces, either, so I am in the happy position of not being able to put a name to the face I don't recognise.

Apart from names and faces, there are two other things I can never remember. One of them is places and the other is something else.

Equipped with this impressive armoury of negativism, I manage to survive quite well in the social jungle. Even at this time of year.

As for the rest of you, I suggest you all get out to as many parties as you can, chatter away to each other, grin like billy-ho, shake hands, exchange names and generally get to know one another. That should keep you busy.